How I Stopped My Shopping Addiction

About a year ago, I decided to challenge myself to stop shopping casually for an extended period of time. First it was just for 3 months, then once that time had passed I decided to go for 6 months. After that point I was like, “well, I might as well keep going!” So I committed to myself to stop shopping for at least a full year- 365 days.

What happened? Well, I’m actually still doing it right now! I decided I would keep doing it until I’m out of debt completely, which is currently on Christmas Day 2020.

To be transparent though, I wouldn’t call it a complete shopping “fast.” The key word is “casual” shopping. Because I do still buy necessary things when needed, just not clothing, shoes, bags, or accessories. And that’s primarily because I have more than enough to last me more than a year without wearing everything out.

For instance, I bought presents for my family during the last holiday season, although I spent less than $100. I still go out to eat VERY occasionally. (Like once a month or less) And I also buy whatever personal care items I need, but only what is absolutely necessary.

This all started because of “the incident”, something happened that almost caused me to lose everything. It was then that I finally had some sense knocked into me, and I knew I had to stop shopping. Here’s what happened…

The Addiction

For starters, I’ve had a huge problem with shopping for a long time. I think it started about 7th grade when I realized that kids noticed the brands that each other wore- or didn’t wear, and they made comments about it too.

Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of money at my disposal. We weren’t poor by any means, but my parents were very frugal. So, as a kid I poured over the pages of the JC Penny and Sears catalogs for hours. I’d show my Mom all the pages I’d dogeared with items I wanted for my next birthday or Christmas.

Most of the time, I didn’t get many of those wished for items, maybe a few if I was lucky. But, looking back, I think that this is really where the obsession or addiction truly began. Stemming from a desperate need to feel accepted, to be liked, and to feel like I fit in with everyone else.

Because most kids don’t want to be different than their peers. And I had already started to feel like I didn’t fit in around age 12. My family was no longer intact, we started struggling financially, and I didn’t yet understand that material possessions were not what mattered in life.

Unfortunately, I didn’t learn that lesson until much, much later, when the damage had already been done. When my head was barely above water.

Fake Freedom

Right about the time I was ready to graduate from college, I had the “opportunity” to get my first Visa card. The credit card company had a booth set up right by the on-campus cafeteria and they lured me in with their free pens, notepads, and other junk.

They told me, “Oh, it’s so easy to get one, just sign right here! You’re sure to get approved! You can pay back everything you spend over time, it’ll be great! You can always get whatever you want!” And I totally fell for it, like an idiot.

I had no idea what I was really getting myself into. I didn’t even know what an interest rate was at that time. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, and I can’t believe how dumb I was either, especially for a person who was shortly to obtain a Bachelor’s Degree.

But that was it– that was the moment I wish I could travel back in time to stop. I’d run up to me standing at that dang booth, and push myself down on the ground while yelling “Don’t do it!!!! It’s going to ruin your life for decades if you start now!! Just don’t do credit cards!!”

Looking back, I really needed the “Just Say No” drug campaign. Only my drug of choice was shopping.

They were right too, it was super easy. All I had to do was sign my name and give them my social security number and voila! Approved! Then about 5 days later it came in the mail, all shiny and unused and worth it’s weight it gold, in my mind.

And as soon as I used it for the first time, I was instantly hooked, like a junkie. Because suddenly almost anything my little heart desired was available to me.

I could shop whenever and wherever I had always wanted to! Almost nothing was off limits, and I had no one to tell me I couldn’t buy something- except for Visa when I hit my limit.

It felt like I was finally free– but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

There is nothing freeing about getting in debt. If anything, it’s completely the opposite! Imagine each dollar were a brick, and every time you spent one, you’d get two bricks put on top of you.

That’s what interest does. It’s what “spending more than you make” is like or what not “living within your means” is. It’s a trap, or a prison, that you’re slowly putting yourself into.

No Problem Here!

Years later, my debt had only kept growing. And it wasn’t that I just kept spending, but I had multiple credit cards that I could barely keep paying the minimum towards. (I said I was dumb right?)

But I also didn’t wear or use about 70% of what was I had actually bought that comprised all of that debt.

And yet, I continued to add to the already massive collection of clothes for years and years. I also continued to get further and further into debt, and not even think about the consequences this would all have later on.

I just kept telling myself that I’d pay it off eventually! “Nothing wrong with that!”, I’d think.

I was absolutely not willing to admit I had a problem or an addiction. And it really did take me hitting rock bottom before I considered changing my ways.

I used to get that rush. You know, that intense feeling of joy or elation, whenever I bought something new. It was exhilarating, and it somehow made me feel powerful and in control. (Which I totally wasn’t)

I felt successful, and like I’d made myself fit into the appearance that I had always wanted people to see me as.

And, it was so much more fun to wear new stuff all the time! I used to see how many additional outfits I could make with just adding one new item to my wardrobe, another new pair of shoes, or the perfect piece of brilliant jewelry, or a fantastic bag. It was a justification for sure.

The other problem was that after a few washings or wearings of any new item, it started to get pushed to the back of the closet. It was no longer the shiny new “penny.” I needed more (again, junkie anyone?). New things lost their luster pretty quick.

That’s really how it feels when you’re a habitual shopper like I was. And it was also due to the probability that I’d already gone shopping again and bought something else, so the first thing wasn’t really new anymore.

By this time the shopping had also morphed into buying stuff for my house, giving gifts and traveling. Kitchen gadgets, furniture, artwork, electronics, plane tickets, you name it. In other words, much bigger ticket items, which meant more debt that ballooned up my already very negative net worth. So then, I started getting in-store credit cards too.

Personal Intervention

As I mentioned, I was a pretty average middle-class kid. My needs were always satisfactorily met, and many wants too. My parents dutifully took care of me growing up, and supported me some during college as well.

So once I started working I looked at it as, “I deserve this! I’ve worked hard to get here!”

After all, I’d secured myself an excellent education at a distinguished university, and had started a successful career. (Which should have made me smarter than the way I behaved.)

However, I kept living like I was wealthy. And I lived that lie every day for too many years.

Whenever I had the chance to spend money, I always took it. I immediately applied for any credit card offers that came my way. And I always looked for ways to get the things I wanted at that time, finagling whatever I had to.

That all landed me in a huge pile of debt– much bigger than my giant pile of clothes, if you can believe it. And I’m currently still in the process of paying off that stupid debt right now , but more about that later.

So how did this happen to me? I mean, I’ve always had very supporting, loving, and caring family and friends. Not to mention a fantastic partner too.

So why does a “successful” person like me develop a shopping addiction or any addiction? I had to find out, and ultimately, I had to give myself an intervention.

Filling the Void

I think part of the problem was that somehow, even with all of that love, care, and support — I had forgotten how to love myself. How to accept who I was at any given time and how to see myself truly, and be okay with who I was.

I started living this fake, bought existence. Always trying to portray myself better than I thought I really was. (All I can say is thank goodness Instagram didn’t exist back then!!)

Somehow, I’d been roped into believing the lie that material things matter. That people will only really like you if you’ve got great stuff. Because it’s just not true, at least not with people who have your best interests at heart.

So that’s how it all started for me. Not loving myself enough led me to look for other things that would “make” me feel good. A substitute of “things” to fill the void I felt inside.

Meaning that over the last 15–20 years, I feel like I was stuck in a web of lies, both to myself and to others. All with the pathetic goal of supporting my stupid shopping habit and my need for approval.

It was my go-to whenever I was bored, or sad, frustrated, or lonely. But also when I was happy, or when I got any extra money, and whenever there was a sale on anything I liked.

So, yeah, I was pretty much shopping all the time.

I mean, heck, even science tells us that buying things won’t make us happy! And somehow, deep down I knew this, but by then, I was in too deep and the addiction was too strong.

I spent way too much time scouring my favorite stores’ websites to see whatever the newest trend or look or “it” item was going to be that month or season.

I also subscribed to every fashion magazine known to woman– and even though those glossy pages were filled with beautiful people and things that I would never be or have– I still thought I had to try.

Of course, I also signed up on every email list for all my favorite stores too. And I mentioned I also started getting those in-store credit cards that charge you anywhere from 16%-25% interest. (“You get a discount on your first purchase? Okay, sign me up!”)

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And not only was I deriving a high from the actual process and act of shopping and buying something and bringing it home- the response to it all definitely enabled me.

Whenever you wear something new, people usually comment, at least women do. And I was consistently being told how cute my outfits were, or how polished I looked all the time.

It also didn’t help that I had to do presentations all the time in front of hundreds and sometimes thousands of people.

Not that I’m at all blaming others for this. It was definitely, completely, and totally all my doing, and I take full responsibility for it. I’m just saying it didn’t really help that people stroked my peacock feathers when I fanned them out, you know?

Shopping Lies

One of the lies that I told myself were that what other people said about my looks mattered. It didn’t and it still doesn’t.

It only matters how I feel about myself. And I had to figure out that there was more to life than things and appearances. (Which is why I’m also not big on social media anymore.)

I had justified the spending by telling myself that I “deserved” it or that it was on sale so, “no big deal!” And any time I pulled out the credit card, I thought, “I’ll just pay for this later!”

I also lied to myself that I was “investing” in my career and what I was doing was normal and that everyone does it. I mean, I had to get a new wardrobe for work for every season right?

It got really bad at different points, when I would even hide it from my family and friends, if they started to notice. I’d start mixing in old clothes with the new ones so they wouldn’t be so identifiable.

When someone would say, “Cute! Is that new?” I’d respond with a lie, “Oh, no, I’ve had this for a while, maybe you’ve just never seen me wear it?”

Yeah, I am embarrassed to admit that I did that, immensely. And I am sincerely sorry to those that I lied to. (Even the “benefit” of getting attention had turned to a negative.)

I also used those stupid “tricks” that women supposedly do to hide things from their husbands. Like stuff the shopping bags in the trunk for a while, bring them in sporadically, or while he’s not home, then destroy the bags and tags and any evidence.

Maybe even tear off the tags and leave them visible in the closet for a week or two, so that when you wear it, he subconsciously remembers seeing it in the closet for a while and doesn’t think anything about it. Terrible, right??

I did those things. Sadly and unfortunately, I got away with it for a long time too. Maybe everyone just thought I was making tons of money?

Another problem was that my significant other didn’t, at the time, have access to see my financials. I kept it from him, which was another “lie” I was living.

Therefore, it was just me watching my debt slowly increase, the mountain getting bigger and bigger, threatening to crush me. Struggling with the knowledge that I was living way outside my means was getting overwhelming.

And even after the exhilaration of a shopping trip, it really started weighing on me. And, weighing down my enormous closet. (It also didn’t help that I had a massive walk-in closet the size of a small bedroom.)

Then I started getting more depressed, and developing anxiety about getting caught, and no amount of shopping seemed to fix it. So, I’d keep going and buy more, and feel even worse.

Are you sensing a cycle of destruction here?

It was only when it got so bad that I literally wasn’t able to pay all my bills one month, that I finally realized that I had to tell someone and ask for help.

And that was it– the incident- when I had to divulge everything to my partner, in one of my lowest points in life.

I was super ashamed- not just of spending so much money, especially on things I did not need. But I was also ashamed of the ridiculous materialism, of the pragmatism that I’d exhibited, of the lies that I’d told, of the secrets I’d been keeping.

And I was also incredibly ashamed of my own low self-worth.

But I knew that I needed to stop, and I’d finally admitted I had a problem that needed fixing.

The Steps to Change

To clarify, I didn’t completely stop shopping once I first admitted my problem, it took about 2-3 more years of ups and downs before I got to this point. As I stated in the beginning, it was about a year ago that I decided to fully commit to stop shopping- or I knew I never would.

That is definitely the first step of a 12-step program, right? Admitting you have a problem that you can’t control and it’s wrecking your life. I won’t say that I went through all of the 12-steps to quit shopping- but here’s what I did do:

1. I gave up all my access to my own debit and credit cards to my partner (my choice) for at least one full year

That is really what I did that kick-started my butt into first gear. I no longer had access to any money to shop.

But, I was able to use it when needed of course, for necessary items, but no clothing, shoes, jewelry, or accessories. And I started keeping some emergency cash on me, but didn’t allow myself to use it.

2. Any spending could not be kept secret

If I did spend anything, I would have my partner review my receipts that day. That helped keep me honest about what I was REALLY buying at the store. And I even messed that up a few times at the beginning. The urge to stop shopping had not left me yet.

But as the weeks went by, something interesting started happening. My mind was no longer constantly obsessed with thoughts of sales, and coupons and finding the next thing that I needed to buy.

Because I knew that I wasn’t going to “get” to do it, for probably a very long time. It started becoming easier to just not look at all, knowing that I wasn’t going to buy.

Then, once I did that, my mind started to feel more open and aware. I started noticing the thought patterns I was having.

Those times when I felt like I just wanted to go shopping, I found something else to do to fill the time. Usually something much more productive.

3. I started reading again, spent more time with friends and family, started exercising and cooking better meals

There have definitely been times that I went to wander around the mall by myself (very occasionally) for an hour or so if time permitted, and it was accessible. But really, the inability to spend any money kind of drained the fun out of that too.

Then the amazing part  happened— I started to not think about shopping anymore at all! I will admit it took months, probably 3 months before it wasn’t consuming my thoughts all the time.

I know that might sound crazy, but think about our phones now days. How many people are addicted to Facebook and Insta and the rest? How many people can’t go an hour without scrolling through their feed because they don’t want to miss something?

4. If I did start to think about something I might have wanted to buy- I looked for ways to rationalize why I did NOT need that thing

I said to myself, “You already have 10 pairs of black shoes!” or “You do not need another color purse!”

And the more that I practiced this new habit in my mind, the easier it became. I wasn’t sad about not shopping anymore, I was relieved. That happened through a process of neuroplasticity.

And it felt so much better knowing that I wasn’t lying to anyone, or continuing to get further in debt. I was actually starting to save money too, so that I didn’t have to keep leaving paycheck to paycheck, like most of America does.

5. Clean Out My Closet

These were the days before Marie Kondo and her KonMari Method. But this is when I started exploring my own closet again.

I really looked at everything I had collected and made myself try on everything. It took forever.

There were lots of things that no longer fit and things that were worn out — and there were also so many newish items still too.

I started trying to see if I could wear each item that did fit me, until I had worn everything in there. And if after a couple months, I still hadn’t worn something- that was a sign to me it needed to go.

Because either I really didn’t like the item, or it didn’t really fit the way I wanted it to, or I just had no need for it. (And maybe I never did) So, getting rid of things was the last step.

I took huge bags full of clothes and shoes to the local thrift store. I even sold a bunch of good stuff on Poshmark and made a little money back.

Then, once I had actually cleaned out the closet, and saw exactly what I had, I just kept reminding myself, “You don’t need another (insert any item)! You have plenty of pants, shirts, skirts, shoes, sweaters, everything.”

And after doing this over and over, for weeks and then months, I started to feel so much better. Lighter even!

In doing so, in taking back the control over the addiction, in purposefully managing my money, in saving and paying off my debt, and in being completely honest and transparent with people — I finally feel like I love myself again.

I no longer feel the need to go shopping just to buy stuff. And if there is some need that comes up that actually necessitates getting something new- I’m still going to the thrift store first.

I’ve found so many practically brand new items there. Good brand names, quality clothing. You do have to spend some time looking, but you can find nice stuff.

It also makes me feel better in knowing that I’m re-using something, and maybe helping in some small way to prevent more trash for the planet? I don’t know that what I’m doing will make much of a difference there, but it feels good.

Lesson Learned

I know I’ve made an enormous difference in my life by overcoming this shopping addiction. My finances are finally starting to get in order- and I’m getting closer by the month to being totally debt free!

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And, I’m actually now using many of those things I bought over all those years. I’m also ensuring that when I do buy items in the future- I will make sure that I really like them and plan to keep and use them for years to come.

This exercise has given me so much- freedom of time, space in my mind (and closet), creativity, ability to focus on what’s actually important, and learning to value what I have, so much more.

Not to mention that I’ve been able to pay off thousands of dollars in debt AND living my life in honesty, especially with those I love.

I think I’m finally getting that quality over quantity is the best way to live.

And lastly, I’ve learned that what I’m wearing does not equal my worth. Which also means that your wardrobe doesn’t equal your worth either!

In the end, I hope my experience might be of help to you if you struggle with the same or a similar sort of problem.

In fact, I’m going to put it out there- it’s a challenge! I’d love for you to join me in this shopping fast and see how it changes your life in the next year. Comment below if you want to get started and I’ll help coach you along the way!

If you enjoyed this article, I’d appreciate you sharing it with a friend, liking it, or joining my email list. Thank you!

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