Goal Setting and How to Stop Procrastinating

As January arrives each year, it’s often the time that we start thinking about and then sit down to write out our plans for the next year. Or it could be anytime during any year that you decide you need to make some changes- but most people at some point each year, look to see how they can accomplish goals.

You are likely to think about the previous year too, about what you did or didn’t accomplish. One thing I always ask myself is, “Did you do anything to change your life last year?”

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There has been times in the past when I felt like I could have said “no” to that question. Years where I didn’t focus on making good, meaningful decisions. And perhaps even went backwards for a time.

Several years ago now, I’d finally had enough of doing that. Taking one step forward and two steps back. I wanted to stop having to put the same goals on my “list” every year because I didn’t accomplish them again. And so I set out to learn as much as I could about why we procrastinate and how to stop.

For most, setting new goals is exciting! They help us get inspired to work toward success. And it’s our natural inclination to try to brush off any mistakes we’ve made, and just move forward, starting fresh.

But, is that really the best way to ensure that you will be successful in the coming year?

After examining this question further- something became evident. How have you learned to succeed in the past? To actually finish your goals? Should you start with a blank slate? Or should you continue on where you’re at, feeling “behind”?

When we were children is when we first learned that our actions had effects on objects or on people that we interacted with.

We learned simply, that whatever happened in those interactions, whether we got good or bad, or positive or negative, was the result of our behavior or feelings.

This is where we learned that we wanted to avoid those things that ended up with “bad” or “negative” results. And obviously strive for interactions that ended with “good” or “positive” results.

These experiences we have all had, over many years, have informed and allowed us to develop our own personal definition of what we each deem as successes and failures in our lives.

So, think about your own life’s successes so far. Did they happen by accident? In wanting something to happen, did it magically occur, merely by the wanting? Or, did you just sit back and wait for it all to come to you?

I think it’s safe to say that the answer is likely “no” for most of us. Because we all know that in our lives, we rarely get any unearned big successes. We usually have to work hard to achieve or to win.

Greatness and prosperity rarely just materialize simply because we “want” it. We have had to work for it, right?

But along the way, we have also failed, and failed again, and struggled, and fought really hard, and failed some more.

And, somewhere in that time, between childhood and middle adulthood, a lot of us become disenchanted with our lives.

We’d had enough disappointments, enough failures, and enough frustration that we’ve started to become cynical.

You may have started telling yourself that you just couldn’t achieve your goals after all. That it was going to be too hard, or that it was going to take too much work or time. Or that those goals were things beyond your capabilities.

And when you really believed that, it led you to stop taking chances anymore. Which might have also led to just avoiding any negative emotion involved with trying to do something hard or scary or new.

But remember when you were young, did tell yourself, “Okay self, we are going to go through life and be mediocre. We will take the path most traveled because it will be easier. We’ll only do as much work as is absolutely required of us, and we will put in the least amount of effort as much as we possibly can. Let’s try to just ‘get by’ in life, and do nothing special, okay?”

Yeah right!! No one says that to themselves, do they? Of course not. That’s just crap- and no one WANTS that!

You don’t want that, or to be mediocre. You don’t want to be ordinary, or second-rate, or insignificant either.

Instead, what you probably said to yourself was something more like, “Okay self, we are going to live a fantastic, exceptional, remarkable, and memorable life! We are going to work really hard and make ambitious goals and through that, we will obtain the love, wealth, abilities, health, and success that we deserve! We’re going to do whatever it takes to get there!”

| That sounds like a much better pep-talk doesn’t it? |

Well, if the second example is closer to the truth, then WHY do you (we) end up living more like the first example, during so much of your (our) adult life??

It’s a question that both you and I have almost certainly asked ourselves, probably more than once.

What is it that really holds us back from our true potential? From the success and achievement that we used to hope for? What kills that spark that used to ignite us?

Is there a magic formula or a secret to change your life to living one that is accomplished, satisfying, fulfilling and happy?

I am going to say, YES—there is a formula for happiness!

So, if you’re willing to take advantage of this process, as follows, you’re going to gain a better understanding of when or where you went wrong and how to fix it now.

And I hope that you’ll be much more likely to achieve your goals going forward, getting more of what you really want in life. Leading to you feeling happier and living more fulfilled.

The “Finite” Dilemma

They say that “none of us gets out of this life alive.” We don’t have infinite time on our hands.

It’s a funny saying though, reminding ourselves that we are only living on this planet momentarily, and that our mortal bodies will one day go the way of all the earth.

But it’s so, very true! Each day that passes, we will never get back.

In other words, and to quote one of my fave bloggers Ash Ambirge, (slightly edited) “This Is Your [Bleeper Bleeping] Life! The clock is ticking. Your minutes are expiring on this planet and you’re going to blow them all doing some [bleep] you are bored to tears by every day? What are you DOING?”

Is that sad or depressing or just kind of hilarious? Well, if you identify as that person, then yeah, it probably is depressing a little! (But it also cracks me up)

| So, what are we doing??? |

So, stop, think about it right now, and try to determine if you are actively doing something (or anything) to actually accomplish your goals, on a regular basis?

If you said YES, then girl, you’re so far ahead of most of us. Keep it up!

(And if you feel so inclined, please comment and share your personal secrets to this awesome goal keeping you’ve got going on!)

But if you said “no,” don’t feel bad, because you are not alone.

The only time a “no” is really bad, is if you have totally given up. You only truly fail when you stop trying altogether.

Because if you choose to continue living the same way you’ve been living, working the same way you’ve always worked, spending money the way you’ve always spent, and etc.

Guess what? You’ll get what you’ve always gotten!

You do not want to look back on your life with regret— that would totally suck, right? Don’t do that!

Life is not meant for us to just appreciate the bare minimum of what it has to offer.

You are meant for so much more greatness than you have even imagined.

You are truly unique and amazing in your own right. And you need to see that in yourself!

I really believe that every single person has some special talent, experience, understanding, gift or something else that no one else has to offer or share with the world.

Believe that you are singularly spectacular and really so is every day of your life.

The first takeaway:

Remember that life is short, and you can never get any day “back.” Take advantage of every one you have! If you are not working toward your goals everyday, you are working against them.

Become Clear About your Fear

The next step is now to figure out WHY you’ve stopped trying to accomplish your goals?

Have you stopped believing in and trusting yourself? What has caused you to lose your motivation?

Did something happen in your life that you can’t get over? Did you screw up in some way and you’re still punishing yourself for it?

The usual culprit here is that we just want to avoid thinking about or remembering anything negative from our past, or experiencing any more negative feelings going forward.

That’s a totally normal way to feel. But that doesn’t make it right!

To get over this, you have to realize that procrastinating is really not fixing anything either. Is it?

You will need to realize that it’s just fear keeping you from moving forward. Giving into fear blocks you from opportunity.

| Related: How to Change Your Money Mindset and Stop Being Broke

As mentioned before, we naturally want to avoid negative feelings and situations. But you can’t let that stop you!

This life is not meant to be easy and smooth sailing- and you know that you don’t grow if you don’t feel resistance.

Just like building muscle- it only grows by lifting weights. It only gets stronger by working it out, even though you may get sore. The pain or soreness indicates the growth. And you know that you won’t feel sore forever.

Also, everyone knows that we appreciate things so much more if we work hard to get them or if we’ve overcome a challenge to get there.

Like paying for your own car, or your college education, or anything else. If you’ve personally put in the work and paid the dues to obtain something, are you not also that much more likely to respect and treasure that thing too? Than if it had just been given to you?

That’s just the way improvement happens– feeling fear, anxiety, uneasiness, apprehension– and doing it anyway!

You must learn to realize that those things almost certainly need to be present in order to achieve success. And if you are feeling those things, you are probably on the right track!

The second takeaway:

Stop being afraid to feel some negative emotions or physical pain or “soreness” and try something that scares you anyway! Push through your fear and temporary pain.

Your Future is Not Already Defined

Another thing that stops us from progress, is somehow believing that your past will also end up being your future.

In Sociology (what my degree is in), we call that the “Self-Fulfilling Prophecy” theory. Here’s the definition and an example taken from this site:

“A self-fulfilling prophecy refers to a belief or expectation that an individual holds about a future event that manifests because the individual holds it (Good Therapy, 2015).

For example, if you wake up and immediately think—for whatever reason or for no particular reason at all—that today is going to be a terrible day, your attitude might make your prediction come true. You may unconsciously work to affirm your belief by ignoring the positive, amplifying the negative, and behaving in ways that are unlikely to contribute to an enjoyable day.”

If that is the case, you need to fully recognize that your past mistakes do not define your future—thank God!

It is okay to feel bad for a time, as that’s part of the growth process, or to feel sorry for things we’ve done wrong.

| But you can’t just wallow in your mistakes forever. |

You get to make choices for your future every single day- and if you want to, you can choose to try to make it awesome.

So, if you’ve been holding something in, you will need to try to forgive yourself for those past mistakes.

Really, this is a very important step for your own peace of mind. You have to try to forgive yourself.

And possibly, you might need to forgive someone else who has harmed you in some way.

If you don’t do this, you’re going to continue to feel blocked in your heart and mind and it will keep you from firmly moving forward. 

So, if necessary or possible, try to make amends, or do something that will help yourself let go of those missteps or offenses.

Like write it out in a journal, talk to someone about it, do something cathartic for yourself like meditate or pray or whatever helps you personally. 

If you hurt someone else, tell them you are sorry and ask them to forgive you. And if they don’t, well, that’s the way it is sometimes. You’ve done your part and now it’s on them to move forward for themselves.

And of course, you’ve got to try to forgive others too. When you can let go of other’s offenses, it makes it easier to also let go of your own.

(Let me put a caveat here also, that I am fully aware that many problems in our lives run much deeper and are possibly much more serious, than what we’re talking about here. You may require professional counseling and possibly further assistance by medical professionals- so please know that I am not a doctor or saying that these suggestions should replace those things, if needed for your health. Please seek help from a licensed professional if you need it.)

Because once you can get to the point where you start to let the things of the past go, and just feel good about yourself today, you’ll be so much more ready to move forward.

The point is, that you want to get your mind in a place of clarity and peace.

Think of it like soil that has been depleted and stripped of all nutrients. If you throw a seed (goal) in that ground (you), is it going to grow?

If it does, by chance, it will not be very nutritious and it will be weak and prone to disease and weather destruction.

In other words, your ground (you) needs to be fertile (clear minded and ready) to plant the seeds (goals) of self-growth.

Do Start with a Clean Slate

So to answer my very first question- should you just let is all go and start fresh this year? YES– but…

…even though you identified the procrastination and/or fear that might be holding you back, and you’re going to try to forgive yourself and others of past mistakes- you don’t want to forget the lessons you learned in those mistakes!

Those lessons remind yourself of what NOT to do again, or what to avoid, and later on to see how far you have come.

So yes, do start fresh- with a blank piece of paper if you will- but you do need to keep your “notes” from before so you can refer back if needed.

It’s all about perspective, and realizing, again, that the future is not written and you can change yourself

The Takeaway:

Decide to not let your past dictate your future! Move forward with a clean slate.

Believe You Can Change

So, the next step now is that you have to believe that you are capable of change.

Do you believe that? You should, because really, everyone is capable of change.

For some it just comes easier than others and for some it comes faster or slower. But unless you’re dead (which you are clearly not if you’re reading this), than you need to understand and believe that you can change.

How do you do that though?

There’s a fantastic book and Ted Talk by Angela Duckworth, where she discovered how she has found, what she thinks is the defining characteristic, as to what makes some people successful and others not.

To sum it up, she did a bunch of studies with school kids and college students, and tried to find a link as to why some were much more persistent and successful in school than others.

Was it their family? Their social status, or their friends? Maybe their wealth? Their IQ’s or abilities?

Nope- it was none of those! It’s something that you probably wouldn’t expect—and you have to develop it for yourself. It’s called GRIT!

Having “grit” means that you have more “stick to it” than someone else, and it’s why you keep going when others quit.

Angela says, “Grit is passion and perseverance for very long term goals.” 

It’s also consistency and endurance and not giving up. These are the people that realize life is like running a marathon, not a sprint.

So what does that mean for you? Or what does that look like to have grit?

It’s accepting your flaws and shortcomings and still choosing to go forward, and most importantly, to never quit! It may be cliché, but it’s true, which is why it’s a cliché.

It’s taking responsibility for your own happiness, in a very literal way. Because no one can make you happy, only YOU can make you happy.

It also means learning how to be happy during the possibly hard, long process, and not just when you get to the destination.

And you will need to realize that to get what you want, more than likely, you will need to do exactly what it takes to get it.

Do it Just for You

The other important part of believing you can change, and then starting and working on that change, is to make sure that you are doing it for yourself.

You must want to succeed and win for YOU. Not for anyone else, not to beat anyone else, it has to be for you!

You will be much more likely to succeed if your goals are predicated on your own happiness and not for someone else’s.

It is possible that with some goals you might feel more motivated if they are for someone else, but in general do them for yourself.

The takeaway:

Believe in yourself, get some grit, and do it for you!

Waiting Can Stop Possibilities

Earlier we discussed why it’s so important to realize that you don’t have all the time in the world to accomplish everything you want to do.

If you don’t get started on your goals today—and just keep waiting until tomorrow, or until next month, or next year—guess what? Just like Ash said, you may just find your time has expired!

I don’t say that to be all “doomsday” on you or anything- but for reals- stop waiting for the perfect time and just start!!

Who am I to tell you this? To give you this advice?

Well, I have had my fair share of experience in procrastinating, in giving up, in not believing in myself.

I’m also an expert in making terrible mistakes, and then living in that misery for years. In not liking myself, in living with depression, in holding grudges, in wasting time, and in waiting for the perfect time.

And you know where all that has led me? Well, to lots of not good places for a long time.

But one major one that recently came to light, is that in waiting so long, now my husband and I are not going to be able to have children of our own.

And that has led me to thinking, maybe I never could have to begin with anyway? Or maybe it wasn’t meant to be? Maybe I’m better off?

There are so many possible “maybes” that I could spend the rest of my life agonizing over it and trying to determine where the fault lies.

OR, I can forgive myself, and my own mistakes and move forward with hope, and find other options.

I don’t share that to get you to feel bad for me at all. But more to share with you where I’m coming from, and why maybe, my advice is worth something.

Because you can’t change the past, you can only learn from it. Yes?

I may write about infertility sometime in the future, and I will most definitely be writing about adoption. So, in case you have any experiences or stories about that to share, I’d really love to hear them.

The takeaway:

Waiting can ruin your chances for success. Not just in running out of time, but in possibilities that you missed because you waited too long.

What’s Next?

The next step is to take action! I’ve even created a worksheet you can download from HERE, that will help you get started.

To recap what we’ve learned:

1. Realize that life is short, take advantage of every day you have.
2. Stop being afraid, push through the fear and negative emotions.
3. Do not let your past dictate your future
4. Move forward and start with a fresh clean slate
5. Believe that you can change, get some “grit”, and decide to change for yourself
6. Remember that waiting can hurt in ways besides lost time, sometimes you miss out on opportunities that pass you by.

Now get to work planning for how great this next year will be for you and your life! Please check out my new Later Means Never Etsy shop that also has Printable Planners for sale.

I’ll be continuing this “Goal Setting” series over the next few months. So I hope you’ll subscribe to my email list to be notified when the next posts are published.

>>Get your free Goal Planner printable sheets HERE.<<

What are your own experiences in waiting too long and how has that held you back from something in your life?

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