Build Your Self-Confidence in 3 Steps

I remember years ago sitting in a conference, listening to an enthusiastic, beautiful, funny keynote speaker, talking about overcoming a huge tragedy in her life. Unfortunately, I don’t even recall what the terrible thing was, but I do remember how I felt during and after her speech. Inspired, motivated, and filled with self-confidence and the belief that I too could accomplish whatever I wanted, if I worked for it. She wasn’t some super educated, privileged person, no, she had built herself from the ground up. And I just knew that if she could do it, then I could somehow do it too.

She made me want to overcome the fear that had been paralyzing me from taking a chance on myself. At that moment, I still didn’t know exactly what I was going to do with all that determination. But I knew that I wanted to somehow inspire other women too, to build their self-confidence. To help others overcome fear and self-doubt, uncertainty and anxiety– so they can live life doing what they were meant to do also.

I’ve come to realize that confidence doesn’t mean that everyone likes you. It doesn’t mean you have thousands of social media followers or a ton of money or that you’ve had all your dreams come true. Confidence is an internal belief about yourself. Others can try to give it to you, try to share theirs, but it’s something you’ve got to obtain on your own.

It’s choosing to feel good– whether about yourself or about someone else. And it’s a belief that can be practiced and built-up and improved upon over time. You truly gain confidence when you choose to believe the best about yourself.

And that is what should matter to you most– not your clothes, or your weight, or your anything outward. It matters how you feel on the inside, which manifests outwardly.

I know this from experience. Years of my life have been spent living so far below my capabilities and my competence, it’s embarrassing. And I’m honestly humbled and regretful of many of my choices in the past. I was not self-confident back then, I pretended to be.

When you look back on a challenge you’ve overcome, it’s always so much easier to see where you went wrong. HOW you were wrong. And I believe that’s exactly how I was able to rise up from the self-made ruins I was in. It’s how I have been able to re-develop a confidence in myself that is steady, honest and sincere.

And here are 3 key steps I believe it has taken for me to get there, in this order, that I hope will help you too!

Step 1- Become Inspired

Inspiration is an interesting thing, because it can be so very different for every person. Maybe I’m inspired by a great speaker, but you’re inspired by sitting silently in the woods while meditating, and my friend can be equally inspired by sky diving. There’s no right answer to how you become inspired. (That’s my word for the year- Become!)

But, the important thing to remember is that it’s really only applicable to say you’ve been inspired if it gets you to take action!

For instance, can you say you were inspired to write a book, but then you never actually write anything? Or, that you were inspired to go somewhere and help someone, but you didn’t do either? No! Right?

To me, to “inspire” is to define feeling that leads to an action that is occurring right now, that has already occurred, or that you’re planning on occurring. (Meaning, you’re making plans for it to actually occur!)

Because to be inspired is to actually do something, to take action, to make a move. AND, I think it also means that you have or are overcoming something to get there.

My self-confidence started improving again once I took steps to allow myself to become inspired. I deliberately put myself into situations where I could feel inspired. Whether that came from God or my best friend, or a speaker or whatever, I had to be willing to recognize it and listen to the inspiration.

And once I started opening myself up to inspiration, that caused me to reflect, and then to make big changes in my life. My confidence really grew once those changes were in motion or had been made.

It’s important to remember that you don’t have to succeed at everything to be self-confident. None of us would have any confidence if that were the case!

Self-confidence comes from acting on inspiration and then continuing to work at it, even if you fail over and over.

Because once you feel inspired, you don’t want to give that up. It feels good! It’s what gives you the fuel to keep going, to work hard and to not give up, no matter what barriers are presented in front of you.

Use your inspiration as the jumping off point for building up your self-confidence. This means that you will need to surround yourself with people or things that inspire you, just like I did.

Seek out people that are positive in life, that encourage you, that will help you see that you can believe in yourself.

I want for you to purposely seek out that inspiration. And if you don’t find it in one place, keep searching, go look somewhere else! Keep looking until you find it.

Perhaps this blog will inspire you (I really hope it does), but of course look for other blogs that might inspire you too! Listen to Ted talks, read good books, talk to people that you look up to, seek out those who have self-confidence and learn from them.

Once you’re feeling inspired, move onto the next step!

Step 2 – Be Honest With Yourself

Have you ever asked yourself these questions, “What do I have to offer? Could I really help someone else?” If you said yes, then good!

You’re in the right place and you’re in the right frame of mind! This step is where you start to uncover your truths, the ones that lead you to greatness!

Maybe you don’t know exactly how you can help others. Or, you might not even realize all of the things that you’re good at. Once you’re feeling inspired, this is what you want to figure out next. What’s your story?

What is your brilliance, passion, or talent and how can you use that as a confidence booster?

The key is to figure out how to work with what you have or who you are right now. Be brutally honest with yourself about your talents, your capabilities, and your limits.

When you really face the truth, you’ll begin to see the strengths you’ve gained. You’ll be naturally drawn to what it is that you’re really good at, and what you’re really passionate about.

In addition, you will start to uncover the story that led to that greatness and that strength. Because guess what? We don’t achieve anything without sacrifice, growth, and improvement.

Related Reading: 5 Goals to Crush This Year

I suggest that you take some time- maybe just 30 minutes to an hour and sit down and think about how you got to where you are today. What struggles did you go through? Or what challenges did you face? What trials did you overcome?

Your story is where you started, what you went through, and how you got through it. You will use all the knowledge that you’ve learned through those difficult times in your life. That is your truth! Use it for good by connecting to other people through it.

Understanding those things about yourself should also naturally give you a boost of confidence. After all, you’re pretty awesome to make it through all that right?

When we can clearly see where we’ve come from, where we are right now, and where we want to go- you give yourself permission to accept it and love yourself anyway!

Own your story, don’t hide from it. Face and confront any skeletons in your closet, think about them, deal with them, see what you learned from them. Then, either let them go or use them to help propel yourself forward!

Step 3 – Share Your Knowledge Generously

As a fellow human, you can bet that someone else has felt the way you do, or has experienced something similar as you have. And how did you get through your challenge? I’ll be that there was someone that helped you along the way.

One of the privileges we earn by going through something terrible or tragic, is the opportunity to share it with others– to help them through their challenges too.

It can be scary to share your failures, your downfalls, or your missteps. But, it can also be very liberating!

Another goal I have been working on is to be more transparent. And while I don’t share the details, to protect the innocent, I want to be as open as possible about my trials.

To share what you’ve learned from your mistakes is extremely generous, and can be beneficial to you. Because real self-confidence comes from a place of truth, and by acknowledging and accepting yourself.

You grow by overcoming, and that includes overcoming your self-loathing and fear. And one way to do that is to shine a huge spotlight on it. Because once it’s out in the open, and everyone can see it, it’s not so scary anymore.

Maybe it is still scary initially, but you get used to it being out there. And then you recognize the actual growth. The understanding that you don’t have to be your past– you can create whatever future you want. You can change.

And I believe that a huge part of changing for the better, means forgetting yourself and get to serving others! And the more you serve, the more your self-confidence will increase.

That might be the easiest way to work through your problems, is helping someone else with theirs. Especially when confronted with trials that others have that are worse than yours, it puts things into perspective real fast.

You don’t have to be perfect now either, in order to share your story. No matter what stage you are in life, you’ve got valuable life experiences that can help someone else.

And I’m telling you, the more you push that fear out by being open and honest and real with people– the more your confidence is going to increase.

Summary

So here’s the 3 steps:

1. Become Inspired!
2. Be Honest with Yourself
3. Share Your Knowledge Generously

And above all, just be nice to yourself! The self-talk that women do to themselves can be so terrible.

Stop telling yourself that you don’t deserve to be happy or confident, because I believe you do!

Imagine that your inner voice is actually a child you love and care for. Would you say those terrible things to that child? Would you berate them and discourage them and convince them to give up hope? Of course not!!! That’s what you’re really doing though– just to yourself.

So the next time that negative voice starts-up– talk back to it kindly, lovingly, and with confidence. Tell yourself that you’re going to be okay, as long as you don’t give up! Then do it!

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this article– please leave any comments below. Cheers!